Swedish Jokes

Swedish Jokes

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Check out our complete list of Swedish jokes.

Swedish Jokes


  • Why do Swedes always drink their milk in the store? Because on the packet it says “oppnas har”.
  • What do you get if you cross a swede and a gypsy? A car thief who can’t drive.
  • What do Scandinavians eat with their burgers? Swede potato fries.
  • Why couldn’t Jesus have been born in Sweden? It’s impossible to find three wise men there, let alone a virgin.
  • Why are Swedish jokes getting sillier and sillier? Because the Swedes have started to make them up themselves.
  • Why do swedes always go outside when there’s lightning? Because they think someone is taking pictures of them.
  • Whats the difference between a smart Swede and a unicorn? Nothing, they’re both fictional characters
  • What is a party game played by Swedes? One Swede goes into a box and the other Swede tries to guess which Swede is in it.
  • How does every Swedish joke start? By looking over your shoulder.
  • Why don’t Scandinavians need sugar? Because they already have artificial Swedeners.
  • Why do Swedes always drink their milk in the store? Because on the box it says “oppnas har”.
  • Why did the vampire like eating Scandinavians? He had a Swede tooth.
  • What is the shortest book in the world called? Swedish geniuses.
  • What did Elin Nordegren wish Tiger Woods before she hit him with a golf club? Swede dreams.
  • What do you call a cat that can put together furniture from Ikea? An Assembly kit.
  • What time was it when the monster ate the Prime Minister of Sweden? Eight P.M.
  • A swede called the airline and asked how long it would take for a plane to get from Stockholm to Paris. “Just a moment,” the clerk said. “Oh, thank you,” the swede replied and hung up.
  • A Swede was reading the phonebook, “Forsberg… Forsberg… Forsberg… It’s incredible how many phone numbers that guy has.”
  • Why do the swedes cut holes in their umbrellas? Because they want to see when the rain ends.
  • I asked my Swedish friend “Who are the dumbest Scandinavians? He said “Norway am I going to answer that question.”
  • What’s the difference between Swedes and mosquitoes? Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
  • What are beautiful women in Sweden called? Tourists.
  • Why wasn’t Jesus born in Sweden? He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.
  • Why do swedes bring sand paper with them when they travel in the desert? Because they need a map.
  • What happens when a blonde moves from Sweden to Norway? The average IQ in both countries goes up.
  • Where do desserts go on holiday? Scone-dinavia.
  • What does SAAB stand for? Swedish Autos Always Breakdown.


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