New York Giants Jokes

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New York Giants Jokes

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  • What did Plaxico Burress say when Antonio Pierce asked to go clubbing? “Only if I can ride shotgun!”
  • How do you recognize a Giants fan in a department store?He’s the one trying to slam the revolving door.
  • What does a New York Giants fan and a bottle of beer have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up.
  • How are the New York Giants like my neighbors? They can’t pick up a single yard!
  • What do the Giants and the Post Office have in common? Neither deliver on Sundays!
  • What do the New York Giants and the mailman have in common? Neither deliver on Sunday.
  • Why did Plaxico Burress shoot himself? It was the first time all year he managed to find his way around a safety and he just got too excited!
  • Why are so many New York Giants players claiming they have the Swine Flu? So They don’t have to touch the pigskin!
  • Why shouldn’t the New York Giants send Plaxico home packing? He already is!
  • What is a New York Giants fan’s favorite whine? “We can’t beat Philadelphia.”
  • How do you casterate an New York Giants fan? Kick his sister in the mouth
  • What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The New York Giants.
  • Why is Rashad Jennings like a grizzly bear? Every fall he goes into hibernation.
  • How many New York Giants fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
  • How did the New York Giants fan die from drinking milk?The cow fell on him!
  • Why are New York Giants jokes getting dumb and dumber? Because Giants fans have started to make them up themselves.
  • What’s the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead? Have him watch a couple New York Giants games.
  • How did the New York Giants fan die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him!
  • Why are the N.Y. Giants like a tampon?They’re only good for one period and have no second string.
  • How do you stop an New York Giants fan from beating his wife? Dress her in Philadelphia Green!
  • What are the best things about New York? The airport and the interstate highway system, because they help you leave there.
  • What will happen if BP can stop the Gulf Oil Spill? They will turn their attention to Lawrence Taylor!
  • What does an New York Giants fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?He turns off the PlayStation
  • How many New York Giants does it take to change a tire?One, unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up.
  • What’s the difference between an New York Giants fan and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
  • How do you keep a New York Giant out of your yard? Put up goal posts.
  • How many New York Giants does it take to change a tire? One, unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up
  • Did you see the porno with Kiera Knightley? It’s called “Bend It Like Odell Beckham”
  • Why can’t Eli Manning use the phone anymore? Because he can’t find the receiver.
  • If you have a car containing a Giants wide receiver, a Giants linebacker, and a Giants defensive back, who is driving the car? The cop.
  • What does a New York Giants fan and a bottle of beer have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up.
  • What did the Giants fan say after his team won the Super Bowl? “Dammit mom, why’d you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!”
  • How do you stop an New York Giants fan from beating his wife?Dress her in Cowboys Silver and Blue!
  • How many Giants fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they are happy living in the Cowboys shadow!
  • What is the difference between a Giants fan and a baby? The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  • Want to hear a Giants joke? Rashad Jennings!
  • Did you hear about the joke that Eli Manning told his receivers? It went over their heads.
  • Did you hear that New York’s football team doesn’t have a website? They can’t string three “Ws” together.
  • Did you hear the one about Two Giants fans walking past a bar?Hey, it could happen.
  • What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an New York Giants fan? The bucket.
  • How did Lawrence Taylor meet an underage girl through a mutual acquaintance? Ben Roethlisberger!
  • Did you hear about the new Plaxico Burress cocktail? Just one very expensive shot
  • What’s the difference between the New York Giants and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  • What do the New York Giants and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  • Why is Tom Coughlin glad Plaxico shot himself in the leg? It was the first time he shot off something other than his mouth!
  • Why can’t Eli Manning use the phone anymore?Because he can’t find the receiver.
  • What do the New York Giants and Billy Graham have in common? They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ”.
  • Why is a Texas Billionaire buying the New York Giants and moving them to Virginia? So he can call them the VaGiants
  • What do the New York Giants and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common? Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
  • What should you do if you find three New York Giants football fans buried up to their neck in cement? Get more cement.
  • What is the difference between a dead skunk in the middle of the road and a dead Giants fan in the middle of the road?There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

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